This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
