yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
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At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
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