yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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