No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You are the jesus of drinking
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
