theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
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