i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
