Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
