She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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