I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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