The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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