I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
