FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
