I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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