I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
