Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
