White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
3pm strippers are depressing
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
