remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
