Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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