Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
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They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
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Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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