his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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