at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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