I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I skipped work to stalk him.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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