Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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