When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
