what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
