Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
