he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
