what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
