Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
