I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize