apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
