alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
