At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
