I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Randomize
