i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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