Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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