YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
