She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
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Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
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Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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