dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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