I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
