"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
