please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
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The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
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What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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