if you like me you must not know who I am
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
