trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
