I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have aggressive nipples.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize