This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Randomize
