Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
