My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
