i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
