He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
