just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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