Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
