Michael Bay diarrhea
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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