Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
