Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
