hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
