I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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