At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
