you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
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Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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