I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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