i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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