Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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