I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
