And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
