kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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