I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
