alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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