Nicole vs. Life
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Welp...herpes.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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