you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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