It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
