went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
