We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
MIDGETS
????
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
