i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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