Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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