hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Couch. On fire.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
