so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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