Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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