Porn is love you can see.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
