Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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