smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
