Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
