does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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