The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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