yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
