I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
