Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
