On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Girls should come with a carfax report
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
