I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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