he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
if only i could text you this smell
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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